Counseling Services
Helping a Friend
Confronting a Friend
Confronting someone means that you have the courage
to let your friend know what you have seen and heard, that you are concerned
about them, and that you are willing to help. Confronting should not
include judging or attacking the person, nor should it be an effort to
force the person to take action. Listed below are some practical tips
on confronting a friend.
Be Honest and Specific:
Explain why you want to have a serious talk and what you hope will
happen...(and what you hope doesn't happen).
Example: " I am really worried about your drinking and I
hope you won't just blow me off or think I am putting you down...I don't
want to wreck our friendship..."
Describe Your Observations:
It is important that you describe your observations in a non-judgmental
way and express concern in your observations.
Example: "Since last Friday night you have come back to our
room really drunk four times, twice you said you drove home drunk and
last night you threw up all over our floor..."
Express Your Feelings:
Example: "I am really worried about you...I am scared
to talk to you in a serious way because I think you don't believe you
have a problem...and bringing it up might just piss you off..."
Offer Your Recommendations:
Example: "I really wish you would go talk to someone
about your drinking...see if you do have a problem. You could either
talk with the nurse at the Wellness
Center or the counselor... whoever
you would be most comfortable with... I'll go with you... The services
are free and they are on campus."
Listen Actively to What Your Friend Says:
To listen "actively" does not require that you necessarily
agree or disagree with your friend. The important part is that you accurately
hear what your friend is saying so he or she feels heard and understood.
One way to communicate that you are listening and understand is to paraphrase
what your friend says from their point of view and to then to restate
your observations and recommendations.
Frequently Asked Questions About Confrontations
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